{"id":910,"date":"2008-03-14T09:58:00","date_gmt":"2008-03-14T13:58:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/oddpla.net\/modernwizard\/?p=910"},"modified":"2015-07-22T14:05:01","modified_gmt":"2015-07-22T18:05:01","slug":"yeah-yeah-basic-black-bat-kraut","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/oddpla.net\/modernwizard\/2008\/03\/14\/yeah-yeah-basic-black-bat-kraut\/","title":{"rendered":"Yeah, yeah, basic black &#8220;bat kraut!&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Once you get beyond the sheer gross-out factor of DYED and CANNED SAUERKRAUT, the character sketches of the pro-kraut women are hilarious.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>We&#8217;ve got Cousin Nina,&nbsp;an anorexic who is apparently channeling a stereotypical gay man. [She also moonlights as an Asian-stereotype&nbsp;dominatrix, Lady Lotus of the Orient.] We&#8217;ve got Aunt Sam, who combines nutritional nerdiness with a flamboyant past as a daring aviatrix. There&#8217;s Sister Allison, whose obsession with dyeing kraut, giving&nbsp;the colors cutesy names and forcing other kids to do it suggests that she&#8217;s a few leaves short of a cabbage head. [Her staring eyes provide a startlingly direct portal&nbsp;to the yawning abyss within.]&nbsp; And there&#8217;s Mama, whose mysteriously stunted growth reminds us that perhaps we shouldn&#8217;t hit the kraut for EVERY SINGLE MEAL.<\/p>\n<p>You could dye this stuff a reddish-pink and feed it to zombies in lieu of brains.<\/p>\n<div class=\"ljcut\">\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"\" src=\"http:\/\/www.oddpla.net\/blog\/ads\/kraut.jpg\" \/><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Once you get beyond the sheer gross-out factor of DYED and CANNED SAUERKRAUT, the character sketches of the pro-kraut women are hilarious.&nbsp;&nbsp; We&#8217;ve got Cousin Nina,&nbsp;an anorexic who is apparently channeling a stereotypical gay man. [She also moonlights as an Asian-stereotype&nbsp;dominatrix, Lady Lotus of the Orient.] We&#8217;ve got Aunt Sam, who combines nutritional nerdiness with&#8230; <a href=\"http:\/\/oddpla.net\/modernwizard\/2008\/03\/14\/yeah-yeah-basic-black-bat-kraut\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Yeah, yeah, basic black &#8220;bat kraut!&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[729],"class_list":["post-910","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-funny"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/oddpla.net\/modernwizard\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/910","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/oddpla.net\/modernwizard\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/oddpla.net\/modernwizard\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/oddpla.net\/modernwizard\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/oddpla.net\/modernwizard\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=910"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/oddpla.net\/modernwizard\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/910\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5789,"href":"http:\/\/oddpla.net\/modernwizard\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/910\/revisions\/5789"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/oddpla.net\/modernwizard\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=910"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/oddpla.net\/modernwizard\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=910"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/oddpla.net\/modernwizard\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=910"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}