Rereading Breaking Dawn, I discover many small moments of sheer badness that could not be effectively encompassed in my earlier rants [part I, part II, part III].

“I didn’t dream that you would construe the way I feel about what I did to you to mean that last night wasn’t…well, the best night of my existence.”

1. Absolutely nobody talks like this. There are way, way too many dependent clauses there. A much more likely way of phrasing the same sentiment is this: “I didn’t think you’d assume that my guilt about last night meant that I didn’t have fun.”

2. Not only is this sentence unrealistic, it’s also way too verbose. Sentences like this appear on every page, which is why the book is ~730 pages, instead of ~300.

3. Edward is an idiot for even thinking this way. To put it simply, after nookie, he is angry with himself, guilty and angry at Bella. Such negative feelings would make any onlooker think that he did not enjoy himself. Edward cannot apparently see how the world at large might interpret his actions. He has a frightening lack of empathy, which may explain why he does such violent and objectifying things to Bella.