The title says it all, folks. The music video for Something in My House epitomizes Dead or Alive’s combination of playfulness, silliness, and camp so high that it’s smoking pot somewhere in the stratosphere. Speaking of bananas on ham, there are actual bananas in the video [and maybe actual ham, although I’ve never gotten a close look at the smorgasbord], which means that Pete is quite literally chewing the scenery. I feel that this is what The Rocky Horror Picture Show should have been like — a goofy celebration of flirting with and mugging for the crowd — instead of being a toxic pile of transmisogynist waste that derided the over-the-top character it supposedly centered around. Hmmmm, I smell another essay in the works about camp in RHPS versus camp in Dead or Alive.
Anyway, this entry is mainly an excuse for copious screencaps and sarcastic comments…
It was a dark and stormy night when Steve Coy finally admitted that he should probably acquaint himself with the newfangled device known as a “comb.”Pete Burns, professional lurker. Don’t be fooled by the expression of slightly pervy placidity, folks. He’s about to throw a tantrum, folks, and it’s gonna be a corker!I told you there was fruit involved. Actually, it’s really more like “fruit,” since, as we will see, that is definitely NOT a banana, not when Pete’s done with it.“Hey, hon. Why don’t you break my fourth wall? –If you know what I mean, and I think you do.”“Ewww, what’s that haunting me?”“A banana?! Remove that repulsive foodstuff from my sight at once!” [The orange, however, can stay.]“Ugh, didn’t ANYONE read Section III, Subsection D, Paragraphs 7 through 9, where I explicitly listed what tropical fruits were acceptable on the snack table?”“…And I’m sitting on my stairs…” No, Pete, you’re actually sitting in a chair. Also, despite the fact that you’re singing about something in your house, have you noticed that this entire video takes place outside? Just sayin’.“And there’s bangin’ ’round my bedroom…” As much as I love the choreography of this video, I have to admit that the moves for this line are even better in the Rip It Up Japanese concert video. In concert, Pete punctuates every syllable with indignantly sexy pelvic thrusts.“And I am here all by myself…” “…Not to mention that these bananas are too hard! PTOOEY! I can’t swallow this at all. Fire the caterers!” [Relatedly, when is a banana not a banana? Answer: When it functions as obvious metonymy for a penis in homoerotic allusion #849.2.]Just don’t leave him by himself, okay? You know how he gets. …Oh, you don’t know? Well, just watch.Awww, NOW see what you did? You made Pete sad.“There is something in my house…” But wait! All is not lost! Pete Burns is here, with a banana!Despite the fact that the editing works hard to convince us that the occasionally appearing wolves fit into the story, they remain blatantly irrelevant. If they’re supposed to be chasing Steve Coy on a rainy night, why do they look like they’re just wandering around somewhere during broad daylight?Run, Steve! Run away from the invisible wolves!This is not a sinister beast on a rampage. This is a tame animal trotting away from the camera, presumably because it found something interesting to investigate offscreen. [Steve should probably keep running, though, just in case.]“The ghost of a long, long dead affair…” Okay, I’ve found the ham in this video. Isn’t it beautiful?The ham comes in many flavors too: desperate ham…Trepidatious ham…Passionately yearning ham…“I am being haunted…” “…And I don’t like it! You’re a doody head! WAAAAAH!” *bangs fists*“There were hours that I cri-i-ied…” Suffering ham…This gesture, along with [yet another] knowing smirk appears when Pete sings about “that wicked queen.” The emphasis on the hand/forearm, as well as the breaking of the fourth wall, leads me to think that he’s referring to fisting, which would make this another homoerotic allusion. Then I wonder if I’m reading too much into this, since there’s no actual fist involved. However, given that Dead or Alive has never met a gay subtext they didn’t like, my initial reading is probably right.Dramatically suspicious ham…(((Histrionics intensify!))) Hey, that would actually be a pretty good title for this entire video.It’s hard to capture the quick succession of images during this later chorus, but they include Pete swiveling his hips, making faces, throwing food……And flailing his legs, because no Dead or Alive video is complete without the requisite closeups on the lead’s butt.Creepy fingers! Woooooooo! *makes ghost noises*“Tell me — do I have any scenery caught in my teeth?” Unlike so many other pop stars who try going into movies, Pete might have actually fared pretty well, especially with comic material.I’m beginning to think that this cool customer in a cape is a completely different person from Mr. Blowstack McHissyfit. …Actually, that kinda makes sense. Maybe Pete is playing both the haunted person and the lover who left the scene, fed up with the haunted person’s constant drama.Yet again, it’s difficult to make out with the murky background and poor video quality, but Pete is kicking his legs in impotent rage here. This freakout now officially measures 8.9 on the Richter scale. Wonder if his head’ll explode? It sure would be a shame to ruin all that pretty hair…
“…But you’re not there!” Ooops, he’s gone off the deep end and started yelling at the disembodied hands. These appear throughout the video, holding chandeliers, reaching through the table, and caressing the meat [really — see later screenshot!]. Not sure what they refer to [the Thing in the Addams Family?], but they provide a great way to enhance the uncanniness of the otherwise pretty cheap set.Insert your own homoerotic allusion to touching meat here. I’m too tired. [That hand had better have washed its, uh, hand before doing that, though.]
!["A banana?! Remove that repulsive foodstuff from my sight at once!" [The orange, however, can stay.]](http://oddpla.net/modernwizard/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/06.jpg)
!["And I am here all by myself..." "...Not to mention that these bananas are too hard! PTOOEY! I can't swallow this at all. Fire the caterers!" [Relatedly, when is a banana not a banana? Answer: When it functions as obvious metonymy for a penis in homoerotic allusion #849.2.]](http://oddpla.net/modernwizard/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/10.jpg)
![This is not a sinister beast on a rampage. This is a tame animal trotting away from the camera, presumably because it found something interesting to investigate offscreen. [Steve should probably keep running, though, just in case.]](http://oddpla.net/modernwizard/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/16.jpg)
![This gesture, along with [yet another] knowing smirk appears when Pete sings about "that wicked queen." The emphasis on the hand/forearm, as well as the breaking of the fourth wall, leads me to think that he's referring to fisting, which would make this another homoerotic allusion. Then I wonder if I'm reading too much into this, since there's no actual fist involved. However, given that Dead or Alive has never met a gay subtext they didn't like, my initial reading is probably right.](http://oddpla.net/modernwizard/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/23.jpg)
!["...But you're not there!" Ooops, he's gone off the deep end and started yelling at the disembodied hands. These appear throughout the video, holding chandeliers, reaching through the table, and caressing the meat [really -- see later screenshot!]. Not sure what they refer to [the Thing in the Addams Family?], but they provide a great way to enhance the uncanniness of the otherwise pretty cheap set.](http://oddpla.net/modernwizard/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/30.jpg)
![Insert your own homoerotic allusion to touching meat here. I'm too tired. [That hand had better have washed its, uh, hand before doing that, though.]](http://oddpla.net/modernwizard/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/31.jpg)