Annette Curtis Klause has four weird, romantic YA fantasies to her credit. I especially like her first, the 1992 Silver Kiss, in which a mopey mortal gets it on with a broody vampire well before BTVS. [Check out the pallid beauty of the cover art. I’ll take a framed edition, thank you very much.] Later came Blood and Chocolate, a very sensual tale about a werewolf girl in love with a human boy and therefore in conflict with her pack. Great concept, right?

Not if the producers of Underworld [crashingly boring trilogy about vampires vs. werewolves] get their paws on it. Blood and Chocolate is now a movie, pusillanimously debuting in late January because the makers KNOW it’s a turd. Oh, it smells like a rotting carcass already…

Well, we know that crosses and garlic repel vampires, and silver bullets repel werewolves, but what effectively wards off evil film adaptations of good fantasy novels?