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How far can YOU walk in ballet boots? :p

How far can YOU walk in ballet boots? :p published on No Comments on How far can YOU walk in ballet boots? :p

The Turning by Jennifer Armintrout has one interesting idea in its pages: the concept of the blood tie, a BDSM-like compulsion that exists between new vampires and the person who vamps them. The blood tie, like lust, short-circuits the new vampire’s brain, strongly predisposing him or her to submission before his or her maker. The comparison between sexual desire and the blood tie is apt because, at least how Armintrout writes it, the blood tie often occasions hot monkey sex between maker and new vamp.

Hooray! I’m all for struggling with irresistible compulsions and people trying to accept/go against their natures. Unfortunately, Armintrout flushes the concept down the toilet by using it as an excuse for a wholly unoriginal love triangle in which doormat doctor and new vamp Carrie is jerked between two vamps. One, her sire, Cyrus, is the sickest puppy in the vamp world, while the other, Nathan, is morally righteous. Blood calls Carrie to Cyrus, while hormones call her to Nathan. Armintrout hits all the cliches of romance novels on the way down: Carrie’s spitfire comments to Nathan, who patiently keeps rescuing her; Carrie and Nathan’s angry sex disguising their true attraction; Carrie’s sympathy for perverted Cyrus; Cyrus keeping Carrie as a pet and charming her with feminine refinements; Carrie pretending to seduce Cyrus in order to save Nathan, et hoc genus omne ad nauseam. Carrie’s violent, unmotivated mood swings rival Bella’s in velocity.

Besides being a hack of the first order, Armintrout also wouldn’t know consistency if it came up and bit her on the neck. For example, in a truly memorable detail, Cyrus provides fetish shoes for Carrie to wear during the climactic sadistic party/massacre where she’s supposed to escape. Armintrout explicitly describes the shoes as basically pointe shoes with heels or ballet boots. Since ballet boots force all of a person’s weight onto his or her toes and the very narrow heels, they are difficult to balance in, much less walk in for a night, much less run around in while fending off evil vampires.¬†Yet we’re supposedly to believe that she successfully participates in a revolt against the evil vampires, including stabbing Cyrus in the eye, while wearing such footwear. The Turning contains numerous examples of such unrealistic bullshit. Very dull.

It does not help that the photomanipulation on the paperback cover makes it look like dyed paper is coming out of the woman’s neck instead of guts.

Some day I’ll write about the romance novel trope of Requisite Seduction By Frilly Dress, but not now.

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