Taken from a list via twilightsm about surviving horror movies and annotated with my own RHPS-specific comments.
Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (God help you if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine or Massachusetts.
Also Denton, Texas, or, for that matter, any town with a sarcastic moniker like "Home of Happiness."
If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
They might have a transvestite instead of a phone. You could be reduced to your skivvies and interrogated about your tattoos.
Strange lights are seldom harbingers of joy.
The "light over at the Frankenstein Place" is not a good sign. It’s called the FRANKENSTEIN PLACE, for shit’s sake. Stay in the car till morning.
If you are a female, never show your breasts, easy women are expendable.
On the other hand, if you want to have sex with a cross-dressing alien, a well-endowed "creation" or anyone but your doltish fiance, go right ahead.
Never meddle in God’s domain.
I don’t care if you have the secret, that elusive ingredient, that…SPARK…that is the breath of life itself!!! If you have that knowledge, don’t use it. You’ll build and lose your creature. Also you will die and be dragged up a ridiculously small RKO tower wanna-be. Spare yourself the humiliation.
If you do remove something unusual from the ice, do not let it thaw. (Specifically, do not throw an electric blanket over ice, do not bleed on ice, and do not let the freezer’s power go out.)
Yeah, pay attention to your freezer levels when you’re prancing around, mooning over your new creation. You wouldn’t want anything in there to come back out and blow your big musical number with a sax solo, now would you?
If you do entomb a monster in ice (Godzilla, the blob, etc) make sure that the monster’s location is not well known. (Sightseers have an annoying habit of bringing electric blankets, bleeding on ice, or detonating A-Bombs.)
For God’s sake, don’t entomb him right behind your dance floor/lab space, and don’t leave him his motorcycle, on the off chance that he might bust through the wall and ruin your break-out moment!!
If you are trapped in a house surrounded by demons, making coffee will not help anyone.
If you are trapped in a house full of Trannies, fainting will not help you.
Always be nice to the shy, quiet, unpopular girl in school.
You could find out that she’s a real wildcat in the car/in the tank/on the bed/on the stage once she gets her dowdy clothes off and her clown makeup and fishnets on.
When you walk into a room / house etc, ALWAYS at least TRY to switch the lights on.
Otherwise you might get caught in a time warp, and there will be elbow sex and banister-humping, and it won’t be pretty.
Avoid men in black.
This also includes men wearing black fishnets or men wearing scraggly black butler’s uniforms.
If you hear weird music start to play run like hell.
Because the pelvic thrust will really drive you insa-a-ane.
Don’t run through the woods wearing high heels, as most of the time one of the heels will break.
Ditto if, for some reason, your lab has a ramp in it, and your creation is running loose, and you are pursuing him at high speed. Just have someone else grab him. If you sprint after him in your diamante platform heels, you’ll go splat on your pancake-make-upped face and lose your dignity.
If it tastes like chicken, don’t ask for seconds.
Could be Eddie.
Don’t take off any clothes.
If the master’s servants start stripping you, though, hang around. Orgies ensue, along with fabulous makeovers!
This public service annoucement has been brought to you by the Denton Council Against Perverted Yet Sexy Aliens.