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“Just shoot it through a fish tank on a sound stage — it’ll be great!”

“Just shoot it through a fish tank on a sound stage — it’ll be great!” published on No Comments on “Just shoot it through a fish tank on a sound stage — it’ll be great!”

The official music video of Dead or Alive’s In Too Deep has everything you could ask for:

  • Obviously gay merman pining after Pete
  • A fish tank in front of the lens about 90% of the time
  • Set dressing made primarily of colored cellophane
  • Lots and lots and lots and lots of glitter
  • Pete Burns in a clamshell
  • A WTF? ensemble from Pete Burns, featuring peach loungewear, mirrored eyepatch, and white socks

Looks nice, and I can understand the lyrics, but I like the live version from Rip It Up more.

Blatant homoeroticism in Dead or Alive’s My Heart Goes Bang Bang

Blatant homoeroticism in Dead or Alive’s My Heart Goes Bang Bang published on No Comments on Blatant homoeroticism in Dead or Alive’s My Heart Goes Bang Bang

Wow. I’m surprised that the music video for Dead or Alive’s My Heart Goes Bang Bang includes a blue handkerchief pinned to the right rear of Pete Burns’ jeans, and, as far as I can tell, no one made a stink about it.

Maybe very few people knew about the hanky code in 1985? Anyway, the hanky code, an innovation associated with gay dudes in the 1970s, developed as a way to signify predilection for certain erotic activities. The color of the hanky denoted the category of activity, and the side on which someone wore their hanky indicated what role they preferred in the activity.

To use the example of Pete Burns’ hanky in this video, dark blue refers to anal sex. Right side says that the wearer prefers the submissive/penetrated position. So, as far as I can tell, this is as obviously homoerotic as the Verlaine/Rimbaud Sonnet to the Asshole [which is exactly about what the title says, as you can tell from this very well done English translation], but I guess either people missed it and/or no one watched the video. I thought that, for sure, in the age of the AIDS panic and the Moral Majority, something like this would would cause strenuous objection.

Things I Have Learned from Watching Dead Or Alive’s Rip It Up Concerts

Things I Have Learned from Watching Dead Or Alive’s Rip It Up Concerts published on No Comments on Things I Have Learned from Watching Dead Or Alive’s Rip It Up Concerts

Dead Or Alive did two concerts in 1987 for their Rip It Up release. Last night I watched an intercut of the two performances. While the video quality was grade Z, the video itself proved extremely educational. Here is what I learned:

 

  1. Pete Burns is like a combination of Freddie Mercury and Ivan Doroschuk. He’s got Freddie’s glee of staging himself and Ivan’s complete inability to stand still when singing. He also has the same tendency that both Freddie and Ivan have to let go and just start flailing in glee. Like Freddie, like Ivan, like Lesley, like Shirley, like Michael, he doesn’t so much sing as much as he emanates an irresistible combination of music, power, and joy. I will always find the tension between controlled performance and irrepressible musical abandon incredibly hot.
  2. There is, however, such a thing as too much Pete Burns. The camera spent way too much time on him and not nearly enough on the other band members. It’s not a solo show, people! Where’s Steve Coy [drummer]?!
  3. I figured out why Pete Burns’ hair is like that — all the better for whipping around during instrumentals.
  4. Good backup makes or breaks a concert. I’m talking, of course, about the several guys in sparkly jockstraps who were pretty much doing high-intensity aerobics for a full hour while getting manhandled by Pete Burns [hah!]. I remain irritated that I saw a lot more of them than, you know, 75% of the actual band, but I have to admit that they matched Pete Burns rather well in terms of energy and amount of sheer fun they were having.
  5. Concerts where people onstage take off their pants are infinitely more entertaining than the same performers on stage avec pantalons.
  6. If you’re really good, not to mention a little tired from all the singing and dancing, you can take off your pants during an instrumental, turn your ass to the audience, bend over, and stay like that for a few minutes. The crowd’ll go wild.
  7. Dead Or Alive’s lyrics and melodies are just…mediocre. Generic like hotel room upholstery. As exciting as water at room temperature. Abysmally unexceptional without the visuals. The aggressively homoerotic  scene dressing works mightily to compensate. “Sure, we sound like vanilla pudding, but take a look at those guns!” Sometimes it succeeds.
  8. It’s a pity that the amazing vanilla has become linguistically synonymous in English with boringness, but that’s another entry…

“That’s the way I like it, uh huh, uh huh…”

“That’s the way I like it, uh huh, uh huh…” published on No Comments on “That’s the way I like it, uh huh, uh huh…”

I’ve figured out why I don’t go to the gym. All I see is people fleeing in place. The exercise rooms are conspicuously lacking in individuals like the following:

Continue reading “That’s the way I like it, uh huh, uh huh…”

I’m conflicted about this cover of Rebel Rebel.

I’m conflicted about this cover of Rebel Rebel. published on No Comments on I’m conflicted about this cover of Rebel Rebel.

On one hand, it’s a light boppy electronic flashing 2D advertising blitzkrieg reinterpretation with vocal stylings [and general style] from Pete Burns with backup from Steve Coy! Apt fusion of style, substance, and subject, whoop whoop!

On the other hand, Dead Or Alive just works better as a complete band. I feel like the presence of the other members would have made it harder, tighter, and stronger. It needs a little more slam, bang, and twitch [“Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wham bam thank you ma’am”? :p], also more Steve Coy looking absolutely deadpan.

“When you turn, you turn me AWWWWWWWNNNNNNNNN…”

“When you turn, you turn me AWWWWWWWNNNNNNNNN…” published on No Comments on “When you turn, you turn me AWWWWWWWNNNNNNNNN…”

Otherwise known as My List of People That I Have the Hots For and Who Are, So Far As I Know, Decent Individuals, Plus The Reasons They Are Hot. Please provide info if I am mistaken!

Shirley Bassey: Sings like magma, moves like a wave, and smirks.
Lesley Gore: Sings like magma again, obviously loves what she does, queer, feminist.
Pete Burns: Moves all body parts with a fascinating sinuousity, sings, clearly enjoys being about as hammy as a deli sandwich, has carefully curated and super creative signature style with zero fucks given about what anyone thinks.
Freddie Mercury: Magma, wave, can’t resist air-guitaring, radiates joy on stage, loves cats.
Ivan Doroschuk: Totally bad-ass image belied by flailing enthusiasm for making music, straight white cis dude feminist!
Peter Dinklage: Dry, sarcastic sense of humor, immense acting talents, floppy hair, soulful eyes, general embodiment of sexiness.
James Marsters: Good actor, thoughtful, smart, witty, seemingly humble, sharp cheekbones, nice smirk.

Robert Pattinson: Good actor, fascinating nose, tantalizing hair, entertainingly tongue-in-cheek perspective on Twilight franchise success.

Kristen Stewart: Immense acting talents, intense eyes and mouth, very few fucks given stylistically speaking, refuses to smile on command.

Janelle Monae: Immense talents in singing, doing concept albums, genderfucking, dressing snappily, and articulating her artistic philosophies.


People I Have The Hots For Who Are Problematic Individuals, Plus The Reasons They Are Problematic

David Bowie. Rapist. Racist [i.e., do not try to tell me that China Girl, both song and video, aren’t].

Kate Winslet. Rape apologist for Roman Polanski.

Emma Thompson. Rape apologist for Roman Polanski.

Tilda Swinton. At the very least, cultural appropriation in Doctor Strange.

 

 

I did not know that this was the official music video for That’s The Way I Like It.

I did not know that this was the official music video for That’s The Way I Like It. published on No Comments on I did not know that this was the official music video for That’s The Way I Like It.

(O_O) Now I am edified and completely distracted with lust. I don’t know where to look first — the hips, the lips, the limbs, the chins, the lips [again], the hair, the eyebrows…

Extra super amazing bonus points for the woman with the updo dancing in front of the “Keep my body strong” weight-lifting segment. Double plus bonus points for the eyebrows. Everyone in this video is having a huge amount of fun, which makes it even sexier.

Lead of Dead Or Alive = Pete Burns apparently.

Another installment of the Painfully Cheap Music Video With Choreography From A Fifth Grade Play

Another installment of the Painfully Cheap Music Video With Choreography From A Fifth Grade Play published on No Comments on Another installment of the Painfully Cheap Music Video With Choreography From A Fifth Grade Play

I’m pretty sure that Dead or Alive spent a grand total of $5.00 on the official You Spin Me Round [Like a Record] music video, broken down as follows:

 
That purple thing the lead is wearing: 25c [from a garage sale]
Gold semaphore flags: 75c
Fake nails: $1.50
Hair spray: $2.50

Modern Wizard: causing heternonormative heads to explode since at least 1978!

Modern Wizard: causing heternonormative heads to explode since at least 1978! published on No Comments on Modern Wizard: causing heternonormative heads to explode since at least 1978!

Had an entertaining conversation with a kid this weekend, reproduced here in digital photostory form. The photostory is about 85% true, with the exception of the last picture, which is how I wish I could have summed up the conversation. [It actually ended with the previous panel.] The conversation also occurred with me reading Demon Lover on my front porch and the kid on the front sidewalk, but I transferred it to powerage’s Fantasy Library, which saved me the trouble of trying to approximate my front porch in digital. The Fantasy Library also has infinitely cool rolling ladders, none of which can be seen in this story, but which add a certain je ne sais quoi nonetheless. :pContinue reading Modern Wizard: causing heternonormative heads to explode since at least 1978!

This is your periodic reminder not to judge a book by its cover…or its title…or its premise…or its first third…

This is your periodic reminder not to judge a book by its cover…or its title…or its premise…or its first third… published on No Comments on This is your periodic reminder not to judge a book by its cover…or its title…or its premise…or its first third…

We went to the Fourth of July book sale in Williston, a yearly extravaganza in which Alling Library volunteers stock the gym of Williston Central School with tables of books, organized roughly by category, and then stand back and let the hordes descend. The library raises money, and the horde gets cheap books. Fun for all!

 

This year I acquired, among other things, Demon Lover by Juliet Dark, which is either the best or the worst pseudonym for a paranormal romance novelist, depending upon which second I’m making the judgment. It combines the inexplicable fetish US authors seem to have for folkloric fairies of the British Isles with the inexplicable fetish that people from outside New England and northern New York have with small, elite, liberal arts colleges in these locations. It follows 26-year-old assistant professor of demon sex visited regularly by — you guessed it! — a sexy demon. Plot ensues.

Okay, this is cool. I’m all up for academic types running up against the fictional objects of their research actually existing. Then you get the chance for them to deal not just with reality shifting, but a particularly personalized clash thereof. You also get the chance for the academic type to apply their intelligence and knowledge to the situation at hand in a way that, one hopes, would be more interesting than the response of the average person who knows nothing about, say, sexy demons.

Well, not with this book you don’t. Instead we have the Triple B — that is, a Badly Boring Book. How do you make a book with such a cool premise a tedious slog? I’ve provided a handy numbered list below.

 

  1. Make the main character’s entire existence revolve around the male love interest in the most egregious way possible. Main Character [MC, since I can’t be arsed to recall or  look up her name] studies sexy demons because one started hanging around after her parents died. She wrote a book about demon sex based on her research, and her book got her a job at Adirondack Fairy U, and now she teaches about demon sex. Her life is driven by the sexy demon, but we’re not done yet; we have to suffer through an entire book about MC’s present-day, demon-motivated activities. At this point, MC comes across as the emptiest of ciphers, with no motives, personality, or significant relationships of her own, unrelated to the sexy demon. Here we have the sexist trope of fictional woman as nearly irrelevant appendage of  male love interest taken to a stupefying extremity. I remain crashingly indifferent to MC and to the sexy demon, who has predetermined the entire narrative by grooming MC since puberty to be his alarmingly devoted partner. Where’s the plot, character development, exploration, surprise, or pleasure in that? It’s uninteresting and screamingly pedophilic to boot.
  2. Give the main character expertise in characters like the love interest, and then prevent her from applying that expertise. MC is supposedly an expert in sexy supernaturals, but this seems to have no effect on her own experience with one of ’em. She teaches a class full of books on demon lover-like characters, but these only appear as name drops without affecting MC’s self-awareness or insight into her predicament. She knows, for example, that this type of sexy demon will eventually exhaust her with sex and kill her, but she never seems particularly alarmed. In fact, MC might as well not be an expert in sexy demons because, the one time she needs specific info on the aforesaid sexy demon, she turns not to her own research, library, or personal associates, but to the Fairy Queen, who dropped a vague passing reference to the sexy demon having been human once. The author writes many opportunities for MC to demonstrate individuality, assertiveness, or, at the very least, a fleeting modicum of original thought, and then stonewalls every single one of them. You can literally see the author forcing her ostensible heroine into passive, ineffectual, clueless twittitude, much as the sexy demon does. I’d feel sorry for the main character, but she’s not enough of a person to really merit any sympathy.
  3. Railroad the sexy supernatural for a significant portion of the story. For a while there in the beginning, MC and the sexy demon have rapey encounters [still not clear on whether she consents to any of this, especially as she thinks it occurs in her dreams] and subsequent dramatic conflicts. Then MC tries banishing the sexy demon, and the story just flattens out, even when a dreamy new prof appears, and MC starts getting it on with him. Of course, to the surprise of absolutely no one who has been following the moonlight imagery associated with the sexy demon, the new prof is the demon, just in human form and totally not banished at all. Yet this is incredibly boring because all MC and the new prof do is…uh… have lots of hot, consensual sex. That’s it; that’s their entire relationship. No character development! No explosions! To be clear, I’m not campaigning for persistently rapey love interests here. I’m just saying that we read paranormal romance for dramatic conflicts and sexy supernaturals, and the author provides neither for long enough so that my mind wanders.

 

In summary, this treatment of the demon lover trope greatly disappointed me and, even worse, bored me. Hey, even though Father of Lies disappointed me [probably even more], it approached the same subject more engagingly — in much better prose too. 

 

OMG it’s the Tentacular Spectacular!

OMG it’s the Tentacular Spectacular! published on No Comments on OMG it’s the Tentacular Spectacular!

I’ve had a penchant for digital fair/carnival/midway stuff ever since my first multipart digital photostory occurred at one. I thought up a really cool ride, the Tentacular Spectacular, but didn’t show it in that series, as I didn’t have a model.

Well, I just found one: Simon 3D’s Otis Carnival Fun Octopus Ride! So cool! Too bad the digital me would digitally puke after digitally riding one. I can’t stand anything more exciting than a merry-go-round or a Ferris wheel these days.

Digital stuff I collect:

 

  • Fair/Carnival/Midway
  • Realistic cemetery stuff
  • Therianthropes
  • Clowns
  • Robots/Clockwork
  • Dolls
  • Dead people
  • Books, bookshelves, libraries
  • Realistic contemporary cars
  • Corsets, collars, gags
  • Hilarious skimpwear

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