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Flower’s bucolic reverie

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Brought to you by cotton print fabric, dried moss, sticks, acrylic paint, plastic greenery, Sculpey, Aves Apoxie Sculpt and brown crinkle paper.

This is a test of brown crinkle paper as undergrowth to break up the rectilinear lines where the sky fabric means the ground board. I think I need some green crinkle paper too. The brown alone does not provide sufficient variation.
Continue reading Flower’s bucolic reverie

Me and My Muses 6.1: “Dead Hopes”

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Hey peoples! Remember Ellery and Lucian? They’re back! Well…at least Ellery is.

Before Me and My Muses went on hiatus in mid-February, Ellery had banished her muse Lucian at the ultimatum of her long-distance girlfriend Kristin. Then Kristin visited Ellery at Wintermere College. Ellery felt numb and sad, but attempted to have sex with Kristin, who couldn’t stomach Ellery’s kinky desires. The two then broke up, leaving Ellery feeling truly alone.

Continue reading Me and My Muses 6.1: “Dead Hopes”

Dolls for dolls: Smaller Home and Garden figures by Tomy

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A helpful Figurvore member has identified doll "I" from my recent lineup. She is a member of the Smaller Home and Garden family made by Tomy. I happen to have all 4 family members in well-loved [and chewed-on — the dad and daughter have human teeth marks in their legs :p ] condition. Here they are.

Continue reading Dolls for dolls: Smaller Home and Garden figures by Tomy

Airing his nethers

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Jareth is currently hanging out in the window [open for the first time this season!], wearing the final Corset Thingie of Awesomeness from Isabeau [+ matching miniskirt]. No underwear…hence the post title. He looks almost sweet in some of these pictures, but don’t be deceived.

Continue reading Airing his nethers

Collected commission info for Round 2 for Jareth

Collected commission info for Round 2 for Jareth published on No Comments on Collected commission info for Round 2 for Jareth

Outfit 1

  • laced blouse with leg-o’-mutton sleeves
  • black vinyl corset
  • wrap skirt
  • cape with collar
  • leggings 1 [black stretch]
  • fishnets
  • underwear

Blouse, corset and wrap skirt rely heavily on Souldoll’s Ruvo-Z with some differences. Jareth’s version of the blouse has bigger shoulder poufs and no dangly ruffle things, but is otherwise the same. Corset is the same. Wrap skirt takes the tulle and ruffles that are part of the Ruvo-Z shirt and makes them into a separate item of clothing. There are about 5 to 7 ruffles to make it fuller than Ruvo-Z’s. Colors of blouse and wrap skirt uncertain.

Cape is a full circle of very lightweight black fabric with slight train. Dull gold metal hook clasp at throat. See picture of NECA Jareth action figure below for design of collar only.

Continue reading Collected commission info for Round 2 for Jareth

The Clash = New Wave???

The Clash = New Wave??? published on No Comments on The Clash = New Wave???

Pandora thinks they are. I always thought they were Brit punk. Maybe they’re New Wave Brit punk? 

EDIT: And the Ramones? My definition of New Wave must differ from theirs.

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1502106.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

Timonium improves.

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I had some time on Monday to get around to some of those doll projects that have been in suspension since my packing and moving.
Among other things, I made improvements to Timonium. I moved the snap on his skirt so that it fits more snugly around his hips.

I also rewired him with two thick pieces of wire down his neck, through his upper torso, lower torso, then one wire down each of his thighs. After drilling channels down each of his solid fairy feets so that the wires could run past his knee joints, I found him a much more solid poser.

Timonium got a new wig too. My wig skills are definitely improving, as this one fit snugly around the edges. However, the scalp is too deep. I’m not sure if I will correct this, as I like the bulk of wild hair springing from his head and surrounding his face.

Continue reading Timonium improves.

The neverending saga of the nonexistent Cleabella trifold

The neverending saga of the nonexistent Cleabella trifold published on 2 Comments on The neverending saga of the nonexistent Cleabella trifold

Here’s what’s happened so far:

March 4th: Ordered Bella! Studios Room With A View Basic Wall Unit with magnetized both sides. "Please allow 2-8 weeks for delivery."
 
March 4th: Credit card charged.
 
March 11th: Got E-mail from Christina Bougas, saying that it would be done in two weeks’ time, which puts us at the last week in March.
 
March 15th: Realized I had deleted March 11th E-mail and asked for confirmation of timeline.
 
March 21st: Got E-mail from her, saying that it would be done "this week," by which I assumed March 24th at absolute latest.
 
April 11th: Sent E-mail, asking about order status.
 
April 11th: Tried calling phone number on Web site. Off the hook.
 
April 11th: Got E-mail from her, saying she had been sick, but that my item was "ready to go out in tomorrow’s UPS run."
 
April 11th: Asked if I would get a shipping notice/tracking number.
 
April 17th: Asked for confirmation of shipping, as well as tracking number.
April 17th: Reported transaction to credit card company and filled out dispute paperwork, just in case.

April 17th: Scrounged online for more phone numbers and called them. Off the hook.
 

April 19th: Asked for confirmation of shipping, as well as tracking number.

April 22nd: Got E-mail from her saying that she had mistakenly shipped my order to another customer. Said that she had prepared a replacement unit and would be "leaving for UPS in about two hours."

April 23rd: Read E-mail [as I currently have no Internet at home >:( ]. Asked for confirmation of shipping, as well as tracking number.

This is going down in history as one of the most frustrating transactions ever.

Do not ever buy anything from Bella! Studios/ CleaBella / Room With A View sets / Christina Bougas.

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1500745.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

A selection of my dolls for dolls

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We all know that I like to play with dolls [or otherwise I wouldn’t be here]. Well, not only am I a doll enthusiast, but so are some of my dolls! Yes, my dolls like to play with dolls too.

 
Here’s a selection of miniatures that I use as dolls for dolls, maker and product line identified where I can remember that information. Unless otherwise noted, the miniatures are unarticulated.

Continue reading A selection of my dolls for dolls

Alternatives to CleaBella magnetic trifold

Alternatives to CleaBella magnetic trifold published on No Comments on Alternatives to CleaBella magnetic trifold

15" h x 23" w magnetic dry erase boards from Three by Three x 3 = $60.00

perhaps some magnetic strips to extend height of boards

some way to prop them up

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1499654.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

Do not ever buy anything from Bella! Studios/ CleaBella / Room With A View sets / Christina Bougas.

Do not ever buy anything from Bella! Studios/ CleaBella / Room With A View sets / Christina Bougas. published on No Comments on Do not ever buy anything from Bella! Studios/ CleaBella / Room With A View sets / Christina Bougas.

Shortly after I guessed that the maker of my magnetic trifold had fallen off the face of the earth, she replied to my inquiry, saying that she had been sick for the duration of her radio silence. She said that it was "ready to go out" in the next day’s UPS run and that she was "catching up on [her] shipping." I asked if I would get a shipping notice with tracking.

That was a week ago. Since then, I have heard absolutely nothing.

I asked yesterday for confirmation that the trifold had shipped. No response.

I am never dealing with this individual again. I’m also going to do what I can to warn off everyone I know from dealing with her. Her unprofessional lack of communication gives me no confidence in her business or services.

Do not ever buy anything from Bella! Studios/ CleaBella / Room With A View sets / Christina Bougas.

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1499532.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

Diaries

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I have 58 of them, running from 1987 to 2013.  36 [!] of those are from 2000 to 2013. My overarching goal is to scan all of them to greyscale PDFs in 600 dpi [except for the one with all those color pictures of angels in it — at least the illos for that will be full color!], but my current priority is to digitize 2000-2013 first. Tedious….

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1499244.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

Fuck it.

Fuck it. published on No Comments on Fuck it.

Christina Bougas has probably fallen off the face of the earth.

I’m making my own trifold backdrop. It will be just a foamcore display trifold with fabric pinned to it, so it’s not magnetic, but it will do what I need it to do, which is more than I can say for my FUCKING NONEXISTENT CLEABELLA MAGNETIC TRIFOLD.

Do not ever buy anything from Bella! Studios/ CleaBella / Room With A View sets / Christina Bougas.

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1498880.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

The elusive Clea Bella magnetic trifold

The elusive Clea Bella magnetic trifold published on No Comments on The elusive Clea Bella magnetic trifold

On March 4th, I ordered a Clea Bella Room With A View basic wall unit with double-sided metallic walls. The order went through fine.

About a week later, I got an E-mail [which I have since erased] from Christina Bougas, saying that it would be done in two weeks’ time, which puts us at the last week in March.

On March 15th, I realized that I had deleted this message, so I wrote to her again, asking for updated status information.

On March 21st, she replied that it would be done "this week," by which I assumed March 24th at absolute latest.

Since then…nothing. No updates about postponement, no shipping alerts, nothing. I just wrote a few minutes ago [April 10th] inquiring as to my order’s status.

The Room With A View page clearly states that the units are made to order. "Please allow 2-8 weeks for delivery." That’s reasonable.

What’s unreasonable is getting a message from the maker saying that the item would be done by March 24th and then hearing nothing for 2.5 weeks. This makes me frustrated and worried. I’m frustrated because of the poor communication from the seller and because I’m waiting for this item so I can shoot photos. I’m also worried because I wonder if she took my money and ran.

At this point, I cannot recommend Clea Bella.

Do not ever buy anything from Bella! Studios/ CleaBella / Room With A View sets / Christina Bougas.

EDIT: Oh that really instills me with confidence: The phone is making that dee-doo-dee-doo off-the-hook noise when I call her number.

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1498835.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

Awwww, they updated it!

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I have a really early version of Lesbian Couples by Merilee Clunis and Dorsey Green, which I picked up in a used bookstore because I find [relatively] old advice books fascinating, especially when they have to do with queer people. 

I expected very little from this book, but was pleasantly surprised to discover that even the first edition was surprisingly down-to-earth and practical. It spends a lot of time discussing how feminine enculturation, socioeconomic differences, race/ethnicity differences, disabilities and illness, age, fatness, outness, feelings about one’s body, familial opinions, etc., etc., may play out when women are involved in relationships with women. It offers standard techniques for respectful communication and listening with an acknowledgment of how the aforementioned factors may complicate them for women. It’s very matter-of-fact, unsensationalized and sensible. The clear, calm writing style, combined with its mostly successful efforts to include people with a wide range of identities, makes it a refreshing change from trendy, narrowly targeted bullshit [‘s’up, Rules series?].

Anyway, I see they updated the book after about 20 years. ^_^

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1498437.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

“Science” “proves” “women” “like” “men” with bigger “penises.”

“Science” “proves” “women” “like” “men” with bigger “penises.” published on No Comments on “Science” “proves” “women” “like” “men” with bigger “penises.”

 NBC is covering the story! Bullshit ahoy!

I don’t have the energy to parse this right now, but I do have to say that my favorite quote is this:

…Women may be looking for orgasms, which, in turn, Mautz suggested, may serve a pair-bonding function. In the recent book, The Chemistry Between Us: Love, Sex and the Science of Attraction Bullshit Topped with Bullshit with Bullshit a la Mode for Dessert (which I co-authored crapped out of my ass), Emory University neuroscientist Larry Young argues that the big human penis evolved into a tool meant to stimulate both the vagina and cervix as a way [to] trigger the release of oxytocin in a woman’s brain, activating bonding circuits. 

BONERZ = WUV. It’s science, dipsticks!

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1498282.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

There is one single sole laundromat…

There is one single sole laundromat… published on No Comments on There is one single sole laundromat…

in the city of Winooski. The one that I expected to be within walking distance of our new place is closed. That means I have to get in my car and drive somewhere to wash my clothes. Having lived with laundry services either in-house or within walking distance all my life, I find this prospect objectionable. We really need a washer!

A city [hah!] of over 7,000 people can only support one laundromat?

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1498081.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

More clothes

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Last year I discovered the quintessence of pinkitude, the Platonic Form of froofy pink dresses, and loved it [except for the price tag]. Now that I have the opportunity to commission Mr. Demandypants some clothes, the froofiness returns to my mind temptingly…

My version would be less lacy and flowery, but the same style.

  • top
  • bolero thing [see details]
  • sleeves
  • short balloon skirt
  • long layered skirt
  • leggings 2

The bolero thing is like a short leather vest with exaggeratedly large pauldrons.

I’m thinking a neon mesh tank for the top.

Color scheme undecided, though the bolero with pauldrons is definitely black.

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1497613.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

Thinking about Jareth’s clothes again

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 I also have the following ideas for items to commission from Isabeau:

  • underwear
  • stockings/fishnets
  • fishnet shirt
  • black leggings
  • cape with collar
  • something like Soom Faery Legend Kremer’s skirt, but without the neck strap

He definitely needs underwear [so he can stop flashing me :p] and the black leggings, as Yamarrah is taking the pair that he has worn in the past.

Outfit 1

  • laced blouse with leg-o’-mutton sleeves
  • corset
  • wrap skirt
  • cape with collar
  • underwear
  • fishnets

Outfit 2

  • ???

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1497366.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

Lace vomit

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Almost as amusing a phrase as "tonsil hockey!"

…Lace vomit is what happens when makers of BJD clothes get really excited about adding ruffles and frills everywhere to their pieces, ending up with results like Souldoll’s ACH-ZM or Ruvo-Z, which are kind of stupendous in their commitment to rufflitudinousness [which is now a word because I just made it up].

I’ve been thinking about lace vomit in the back of my mind as I try to work out what outfits I’d like to commission Isabeau for Mr. Demandypants. He requires copious spills of scrunched-up trim.

So far I’m thinking about something combining elements from ACH-ZM and Ruvo-Z.

The Ruvo-Z shirt appeals to me, especially with the leg-o’-mutton sleeves and gratuitous slashing/lacing, but I’m thinking pale pink instead, although the white/pewter look is very classy. Jareth’s version needs to have bigger poofy parts on the tops of the sleeves.

I also like the Ruvo-Z corset because certain individuals can never have too many.

The best part of the outfit is that lace vomit of raggedy tulle and raw ruffled fabric coming off the lower hem of the shirt. I’d make it separate from the shirt and more like a wraparound skirt: fuller, more of a distressed slashed black tulle petticoat understory, topped with at least five or six raw squizzled ruffles.

From this outfit, I select several elements:

  • blouse
  • corset
  • wrap skirt

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1497113.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

Timonium’s pissing me off.

Timonium’s pissing me off. published on No Comments on Timonium’s pissing me off.

I mostly blame his faery feets.

  • Of course, he can’t stand unaided because of them, but I’m resigned to that.
  • I can’t wire them all the way through, as the S hooks attach to bars inside the tops of his calves. Therefore, his legs don’t want to stay straight, which makes any balancing that I try to do with him, even with the help of a stand, nearly impossible. I need to core out some of the resin down in his calves so I can jam wire in there.
  • Furthermore, he’s looking very stiff compared to Flower and Mellifer. I think I need to rewire his torso joints.
  • His resin has this fascinating translucent quality that reminds me of alabaster. It also makes him hard to photograph because he instantly washes out. This is a temporary problem that will be rectified when he gets a faceup and some hair, but I still reserve the right to be annoyed.
  • And his skirt is too big and needs to have its waistband adjusted.

That said, I know he’ll be very nifty-looking when I do some work on him. I have ordered a 36-color Prismacolor watercolor pencil set. I’ve also ordered some longish silver grey faux fur for his wig, and I plan to do his faceup in shades of grey [possibly 50 of them :p ]. He’ll be a muted greyscale doll, a change from my usual bright palettes.

Uh, anyway, I took a few pictures of him tonight. Not very well shown is the articulated Obitsu stand that I spent 1.5 hours putting together, only to have it fail on me because Mr. Wobbly can’t keep his legs straight so that his en pointe feets can serve as load-bearing points. >:( Continue reading Timonium’s pissing me off.

Nifty stuff from Dellamorte Co.

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Since I got some 1:6 scale tombstone magnets from them last year, Dellamorte Co. has come out with more beautiful, detailed artwork.

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1496492.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

Yamarrah’s edited faceup concept

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I made her eyebrows thicker. As is my wont, I’ll most likely end up doing her up based on what I think will look best when I have her and my colored pencils actually in front of me. Well, and my paints too. There’s no way I’m scribbling on the inside of her mouth. Continue reading Yamarrah’s edited faceup concept

Not Your Mother’s Rules: plowin’ on through

Not Your Mother’s Rules: plowin’ on through published on No Comments on Not Your Mother’s Rules: plowin’ on through

Pages 202-206:  "Like it or not, we live in a thin-obsessed world where guys have their pick of girls, so most prefer a thin girlfriend, not an overweight one. …

"We are not trying to make you feel bad — and please don’t get upset as you are reading this — we just want to be honest about how your appearance can affect you socially. …

"…[H]alf the battle is changing the way you eat. The other half is changing the way you think. … Instead of thinking that nothing beats doughnuts dipped in butter cream, think nothing beats being in a bikini on the beach. Think long term. Being disciplined with food will help you be disciplined with … everything else."

"We live in a thin-obsessed world," but let’s not bother to examine critically the problems with this obsession, nor even the possibility of alternatives. Let’s just parrot its scripts unthinkingly.

I like how they pretend to be so compassionate and realistic about their fat readers’ dating prospects. They’re just concerned for those poor tubs o’ lard.

Note that Fein and Schneider’s view of fatness is that it is an entirely voluntary state achieved by wretched slobs with no willpower.  The idea that involuntary factors affect one’s fatness never occurs to them. We don’t give a shit if you’re a woman with PCOS, a slow-burning metabolism, generations of fat ancestors and a regimen of antidepressants with a side effect of weight gain!! None of these attributes have anything to do with your fatness! You’re fat because you’re lazy and disgusting, no exceptions.

Page: "You can make simple but effective decisions, like choosing the stairs over the elevator or walking to campus instead of taking the shuttle bus."

People with mobility impairments need not apply.

Page 247: "With all the attention paid to gay marriages today, you may forget how to behave in a same-sex relationship. There are still Rules; they just promote a little more camaraderie and mutuality; there’s some more balance. The spirit of the Rules still applies: you should never show all your cards, pursue anyone relentlessly, or erase all boundaries."

What the hell is up with that first sentence? Some of us might be really excited about marriage equality, but that doesn’t mean that our personal interest in the subject wipes our minds clean of how to do whatever type of relationship we feel like doing. Contrary to popular belief, it is possible for queer people to think about two things [or even more!!!!] at once.

As for the rest of the paragraph, it doesn’t actually say anything, except, "If you’re queer, what we just said doesn’t apply to you, except when it does, but we’re not going to tell you when it does because we have no flipping clue." Here’s a thought, Fein and Schneider: Leave us out of your heteronormative manipulative dating bullshit. Your token attempt at inclusion proves its irrelevance to us, and we’re not impressed.

The End.

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1495742.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

Not Your Mother’s Rules: more

Not Your Mother’s Rules: more published on No Comments on Not Your Mother’s Rules: more

Pages 35-37: "We tell clients to grow their hair long or even to get hair extensions.  … Also, curly dos can look messy, while long, stick-straight hair looks more like one of those luscious shampoo ads.

"…We often tell women who feel blah with brown hair to try highlights or go blond.

"…If you have a lot of facial hair — a unibrow or even a mustache — you should get it lightened or waxed. If you have weak nails or bite them, get a gel French manicure that can last for two or three weeks. … Get your teeth whitened… Wear contact lenses [try blue and green shades!] instead of glasses."

Hate your race. Pursue Aryan perfection.

Pages 39-40: "…[A]ny Rules girl’s best accessory is big [three-inch] hoop earrings in silver or gold. … Little or big diamond studs … are too dainty and suburban-looking when you are single. …

"Another great accessory is a chunky gold watch. It’s bold, modern and reeks of self-confidence. …

"Big sunglasses and the au courant bag are also smart investments…"

When did "suburban" move from neutral adjective to sneering insult?

"Reeking" of self-confidence doesn’t seem particularly attractive to me.

Page 42: "Sometimes successful women are the biggest Rules breakers. They argue that their MBAs or graduate degrees give them license to pursue men like they pursue careers and condos."

This anti-MBA theme is becoming tedious.

Page 43: "Abby, a twenty-one-year-old journalism major, thought the Rules were so yesterday."

The best way to relate to today’s youth is to make sure that your musical references are at least ten years out of date. Lollerskates!

Page 99: "Few guys want to read paragraph after paragraph about a woman’s feelings, thoughts, wants or needs."

Shut up! You are a fuckhole, nothing more.

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1495399.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

Not Your Mother’s Rules: ready…set…barf!

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Not Your Mother’s Rules, the latest in the Rules franchise of advice books by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, came out this January, approximately 18 years after the original Rules. [Why won’t it die????] As soon as I heard that Fein and Schneider were repackaging their shit for a new generation, I immediately purchased it.

SPOILER ALERT: This is only "not your mother’s Rules" insofar as het women reading the original didn’t have to deal with the same technology that het women reading this version face. Other than that, it’s completely the same.

Onward!

Cover: Wow, they really cheaped out on the cover design. That rhinestone-studded key pendant is available at Claire’s, your neighborhood purveyors of tacky shit, for ~$3.99. I know because I have one. Makes a great 1:6 scale key. Is this an indication that this is some sort of half-assed, shoestring project?

"Now with their daughters, too!"

Oh jeez, what fresh hell is this? Some marketing peon no doubt thought that a Rules update should include actual perspectives from the target demographic, so they hauled Fein and Schneider’s kids in to shill for their moms’ insecurity industry.

Page 3: "But the truth is, all the old Rules still apply!"

Then why does this book exist?

Page 4: "In fact, one of the guys we interviewed said, ‘I could never be a girl — you talk about relationships too much!’ LOL!"

You can tell they’re totally hip to the millennials’ jive because they’re using chatspeak.

Page 4: "…[M]en are extremely visual and cannot be attracted to a girl just because she is nice, smart or funny. … It may sound bad, but physical attraction is everything for a guy."

"May" sound bad? It does sound bad. It portrays het men as stupid subhumans with an inability to think critically or perceive anything beyond the surface. It also perpetuates the bilgey stereotype that men only think about sex, and they do so constantly; thus they are pretty simple-minded.

You know what also sounds bad? Throughout their series, Fein and Schneider refer to woman as "girls," but never to men as "boys." Men are always "men" or "guys." But women are always infantilized and trivialized through their terminology.

Page 8: "We’ve also included special commentary from our daughters, who grew up with the Rules and can help you apply them to a younger generation and the latest technology. Sometimes a twentysomething can best understand what another twentysomething is going through."

Translation: We brainwashed our kids into accepting our retrograde heteronormative dating bullshit. Also we’re woefully out of touch. OMG! LOL!

Page 10: "Our moms never pushed this way of dating on us, but we both have traditional values and believe in old-fashioned courtship, even today."

That’s "their daughters" talking [supposedly]. I bet they’re contractually obligated to say that.

Page 13: "We … have come to the conclusion that those who became promiscuous or acted out sexually  did so because they did not get enough attention, affection or approval growing up. … [W]e … have been shocked to find out how many of our clients who have trouble dating had disapproving or absentee mothers."

If your daughter’s a slut, it’s your fault, you frigid bitch.

Page 18: "Don’t react or overreact when your daughter tells you something you don’t like. … If she tells you, … ‘I’m pregnant’ or ‘I think I’m gay,’ just say, ‘I’m so glad you told me. I love and support you no matter what. It’s your life, so how would you like to handle it?’"

Being queer: now just as horrific and shameful as becoming pregnant while a teenager!

Page 24: "When your mother or friends suggest the Rules, do you say, ‘I have an MBA. No one is going to tell me what to do’?"

Wow…they’re still harping on women with MBAs, even two decades later. Someone ought to tell them that holding grudges is a waste of life.

Page 30: "Alexa, a 32-year-old MBA, called us crying after her boyfriend of 3 years walked out. She was up all night reading the Rules and hysterical after finding out that she had broken every single one of them."

Holy cannoli, here we go again. Will you please stop displacing your own personal frustrations onto women who don’t even know you exist? Quit having an external locus of control and take some responsibility for your life.

Yes, I understand — you have no control over the fact that you didn’t get into Harvard Business School. However, if you’re that hung up on the concept of an MBA, you do have control over whether you waste your life raging about it or instead do something constructive with your piss.

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1495214.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

“The Rules”: further skimming

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Page 120: "…[H]ighly educated girls have the hardest time with the Rules. They tend to think all this is beneath them. They’ll say, ‘I went to graduate school, I’m not playing these games…’ … If you think you’re too smart for the Rules, ask yourself, ‘Am I married?’ If not, why not? Could it be that what you’re doing isn’t working? Think about it."

The authors rag so persistently on women with graduate educations that I suspect there’s some sour grapes going on.

Also [say it with me!] CORRELATION IS NOT CAUSATION.

Page 126: "Abuse doesn’t happen in a Rules relationship because, when you play hard to get … , he thinks you’re the most beautiful, wonderful woman in the world…"

It’s always the wife’s fault that her husband abuses her. She didn’t do the Rules and make him love her enough.

Page 139: "Don’t be stupid about safety! Date rape has become quite rampant in college these days."

If you get sexually assaulted, it’s all your fault. You were probably just asking for it anyway, you whore.

Page 144: "Rule #31: Don’t discuss the Rules with your therapist. … Some therapists will think that the Rules are dishonest and manipulative."

La la la I can’t heeeeeeeeear you la la la!

Page 167: "Always try to show utter contentment with him, yourself, the world."

Frank N. Furter has words for you.

Page 168: "Remember that, if you want a good marriage, the Rules never really end!"

So you’re telling me that I have this heteronormative manipulative dating bullshit to look forward to every single day of my life?

[runs for the hills screaming]

The End.

Watch this space for the actual Not Your Mother’s Rules later.
 

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1494856.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

“The Rules”: skimming

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Page 66: "The Rules are about opening up slowly so that men aren’t overwhelmed by us. It’s rather selfish and inconsiderate to burden people with our whole lives on a three-hour date, don’t you think? Remember, the Rules are innately unselfish."

They are not! Technically, they’re a manual about self-abnegation practices that supposedly further one’s goals, assuming that one’s goals involve het marriage to an emotionally clueless jerk.

Page 70-71: "Rule #12: Stop dating him if he doesn’t buy you a romantic gift for your birthday or Valentine’s Day. … Flowers, jewelry, poetry and weekend trips are the kinds of gifts given by men in love. Sweat suits, books, briefcases, toasters and other practical gifts are the kinds of things men give you when they like you … but don’t really want to marry you."

The rigid expectations of the Rules do neither the women who are supposedly reading them and the men they are supposedly dating any service. The Rules assume that there is only one right way to perform marriageable het masculinity — by coughing up flowers and chocolates on designated occasions — and only a single way to perform appropriately responsive het femininity — by accepting only flowers, chocolates and jewelry as sufficient tokens of romantic love.

In the Rules world, it is truly impossible for a briefcase to signify romantic love, even if the giver and the receiver’s shared private connotations of briefcases make them giddy with lustful, infatuated, affectionate glee. Anyone who gives their dating partner a briefcase, no matter how thrilled they know this will make the recipient [beyond flowers, beyond chocolates, beyond precious metals!], is a Horrible Failure Who Should Be Dumped Pronto.

Page 82: "You have to trust that, if you relax and let him explore your body like unchartered [sic] territory, you will have fun and be satisfied."

Fact #1: Men always know what they’re doing in bed.

Fact #2: Communication kills boners.

Page 91: "Of course, a playboy type who falls in love with you because you did the Rules will automatically mend his ways."

I don’t think that’s how it works….

Page 100: "Before he comes to your apartment, tuck this book away in your top drawer… Hide in the closet any grungy bathrobes or something you don’t want him to see, such as a bottle of Prozac."

Censor! CENSOR!!

Page 115: "When you meet a man at a dance or social situation, it really isn’t necessary to mention your children at all. …[W]ait until he calls …to gently weave it into the conversation … Just casually say, "Oh, that’s my son playing the piano," or something like that…"

This one in particular blows my mind. Kids are huge parts of parents’ lives, especially when their children are dependents. Most parents identify strongly with their role as parents and do feel it necessary to talk about their kids because their kids are important to them. To ask a parent not to talk about their kids is, in effect, asking someone to be something they’re not. How does this deception promote trust and love in a dating relationship?

Furthermore, as a child-free person, let me just say that kids are a serious subject, even if one doesn’t have them. Maybe one’s dating partner doesn’t want any extant or future children. Being truthful about one’s important roles, relationships and values when one is dating [e.g., "I am a parent; I love my kids and spend lots of time with them, not to mention thinking and talking about them a lot!"] bespeaks consideration and respect for one’s dating partner.

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1494749.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

“The Rules”: finally hitting an actual Rule

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Page 22: "Rule #1: ‘Be a ‘Creature Unlike Any Other’"

Look — "unnecessary" "quotation marks!"

Page 22-23: "It doesn’t matter if you’re not a beauty queen, that you never finished college, or that you don’t keep up with current events. You still think you’re enough. You have more confidence than women with MBAs or money in the bank."

I do not understand the authors’ sneering fixation on women with MBAs.

Phew! Now that I’ve successfully passed Rule #1, I’m doing some serious skimming.

Page 43: "Life has enough pain without our adding man pain to it. We can’t control cancer or drunk drivers, but we can restrain ourselves from dialing his number."

In their authors’ sordid worldview, random events cause women misery, to which the only acceptable response is to not reach out for companionship when one wants and/or needs it. Hmm, I see they’re advocating the social equivalent of aiming a loaded semiautomatic at your shoes and leaning on the trigger.

Page 46: "Remember, early on in a relationship, the man is the adversary (if he’s someone you really like). He has the power to hurt you by never calling again, by treating you badly, or by being around but indifferent. … He runs the show. The best way to protect yourself from pain is to not get emotionally involved too quickly."

There’s such bitter, painful resignation in this passage. The authors recognize the damaging, unfair nature of the heteronormative dating status quo. However, they cannot imagine an alternative model for social interactions, so, with a heavy heart, they resolve to play the game with a vengeance. They’re gonna achieve "happily ever after" if it kills ’em, dammit! [Pay no attention to the corrosive misery and internalized misogyny behind the curtain.]

Wow, now I’m depressed. 🙁

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1494156.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

“The Rules” again

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I’m trying to progress past the first chapter here…

Page 6: "If you follow the Rules, … your husband will treat you like a queen, even when he’s angry. Why? Because he spent so much time trying to get you. … [H]e thinks of you constantly. He’s your best friend, your Rock of Gibraltar during bad times. He’s hurt if you don’t share your problems with him. He is always there for you — when you start your new job, if you need surgery. He even likes to get involved in mundane things, like picking out a new bedspread. He always wants to do things together."

This paragraph implies that the standard het marriage consists of a woman who wants more personal attention and emotional connection and a man who doesn’t supply it. I’m very distressed by the authors’ insistence that a) the standard husband is a neglectful, self-absorbed clod who has no capacity to respect and sympathize with his partner and b) the only way to counteract this is through playing constant head games.

Page 9: "We understand why modern, career-oriented women have sometimes scoffed at our suggestions. They’ve been MBA-trained to ‘make things happen’ and to take charge of their careers. However, a relationship with a man is different from a job. … [T]he man must take charge. … We are not making this up — biologically, he’s the aggressor."

Pay attention to this mini rant against women with MBAs. Fein and Schneider have a particular animus towards Masters degrees in business administration, presumably because any education beyond a BA irreparably damages a woman’s marriageability, which, I guess, is like some sort of psychosocial hymen.

Don’t look at me. I didn’t write this shit!

Whenever I see the phrase "I am/We are not making this up," I think of humorist Dave Barry. He frequently prefaced especially absurd — but completely true — details in his columns with this earnest disclaimer. Then, of course, whatever came after the disclaimer seemed extra hilarious. I therefore cannot imagine this phrase as being said with anything else other than tongue in cheek.

"No REALLY!!" is not a convincing clincher for an argument.

Oh look — essentialist claptrap!

Page 13: "…[W]e were offended by what seemed to us to be downright trickery and manipulation. The Rules would send women back twenty-five years. What would the feminists say? On the other hand, Melanie had what we wanted: the husband of her dreams who adored her. It made sense to rethink our offended psyches!"

Those poor, deluded, man-hating feminists! They’re all just bitter because they think that het relationships should contain honest and direct communication. Hah! Where are they now? They’re joining lesbian separatist communes where they don’t pluck their chin hairs.

…Oh wait. You say that some of them are, in fact, in marriages with the husbands of their dreams who adore them? Well, that’s because they clearly recognized the truly passive essence of femininity and faithfully practiced the Rules.

Whaddaya mean — some of them base their marriages on equality, respect, mutual friendship and affection? That’s just… That’s just…

[head explodes]

Page 15: "But First the Product — You."

Just in case you weren’t certain that this book is the product of a capitalist culture that not only objectifies women, but also commodifies relationships as economic transactions, here’s your proof.

Page 16-17: "Men like women who are neat and clean. They also make better mothers of their children — the kind who don’t lose their kids at the beach."

Well, someone clearly had a traumatic experience at the age of 4 after purchasing an ice cream cone independently and turning around to see where Mom was, only to experience momentary panic because she had moved 12 feet to the left to enjoy the respite of a shade tree.

Page 17: "Personal shoppers can help you find clothes that look good on you and that hide your flaws, as opposed to clothes that are perhaps trendy but not flattering."

How much money do the authors think their readers have? Do they know how expensive personal shoppers are?

Page 18: "When you’re shopping in a department store, stop by a cosmetics counter and treat yourself to a makeover."

Shills!

Page 19: "…[G]row your hair long. Men prefer long hair, something to play with and caress. … It doesn’t matter that short hair is easier to wash and dry or that your hair is very thin. The point is, we’re girls! We don’t want to look like boys."

God help you if you’re bald, either out of choice or necessity. We can’t help you there. You’re just screwed. Resign yourself to dying an old maid.

Page 19: "Don’t act like a man… Don’t tell sarcastic jokes. Don’t be a loud, knee-slapping, hysterically funny girl. … Don’t talk so much."

Wait…I’ve got it:

The men up there don't like a lot of blabber
They think a girl who gossips is a bore
Yes, on land, it's much preferred
For ladies not to say a word
And after all, dear, what is idle prattle for?

Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
But they dote and swoon and fawn
On a lady who's withdrawn
It's she who holds her tongue who gets her man

Ah, you say that Ursula the sea witch was being rather sarcastic in Poor Unfortunate Souls when she was singing this in Disney’s animated Little Mermaid, trying to convince Ariel to trade her voice for a pair of legs?

Well, no wonder Ursula’s still single. Hmph!

Holy shit, I haven’t even gotten to the actual Rules yet.

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1493845.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

Where’s Me and My Muses?

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It’s the question that everyone’s asking.

 
Okay…maybe not everyone, but at least all three of my readers.
 
As the loyal trio knows, Me and My Muses went on hiatus in mid-February as I prepared to learn a new comic creation program. I had a very frustrating experience and eventually reverted to Adobe Photoshop Elements, with which I laid out my very first photostories.
 
Then, in mid-March, just as I was entertaining thoughts of resuming Me and My Muses, I learned that I would be moving in a month. Pandemonium thus ensued and is currently ensuing.
 
In conclusion, Ellery and Lucian will return either later this month or sometime early in May, depending on when I get my shit together.
 

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1493724.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

Heteronormative manipulative dating bullshit GO!!!

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In prep for my evisceration of Not Your Mother’s Rules, I felt it essential to revisit the toilet paper classic, the original Rules, or The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, a 1995 tree murderer publication by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. It is ostensibly a advice book for white, bourgeois, U.S., 1990s, het, cis, non-disabled, college-educated, professionally employed, [sub]urban, monogamous, single women who want to have lifelong, loving, satisfying marriages to white, bourgeois, U.S., 1990s, het, cis, non-disabled, college-educated, professionally employed, [sub]urban, monogamous, single men.

So apparently the target population is like 3 people.

Anyway, I will not be eviscerating The Rules in detail, merely making snide remarks on bits that catch my attention. My excerpts should easily give you an idea of the content and its retrograde ideological underpinnings.

Let’s go!

Page 1: "No one seems to remember exactly how the Rules got started, but we think they began circa 1917 with Melanie’s grandmother. … Back then, they called it ‘playing hard to get.’"

‘Kay, I’m done. That’s all I need to know. This book is going to tell its audience to sit on its collective asses and…wait for it…do nothing! [Why this requires a multi-book series, I’m not sure.]

The concept of courtship/dating/relationship formation with partners as that of a man aggressively chasing a desirable, passive woman goes much further back than 1917. The active man/passive woman binary appears nearly everywhere around the world as a standard feature of kyriarchy, but acknowledging that would require research and facts, two things that this book clearly can’t be bothered with.

Page 2: "Deep inside, … we really wanted to get married — the romance, the gown, the flowers, the presents, the honeymoon — the whole package."

Notice the complete absence of a marriage partner from this fantasy. Instead, the authors focus on the material trappings of the wedding industrial complex that they are culturally expected to want. I am not disparaging anyone’s interest in these trappings. [I like presents!] I am merely pointing out that, already, this book is really, really, really hung up on achieving mainstream societal markers of successful femininity. 

Wow, this is going to take forever. At this rate, I’ll never get to Not Your Mother’s Rules! :p

More later….

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1493341.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

Oooh! Oooh!

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I’m very excited. As previously mentioned, I ordered Not Your Mother’s Rules for evisceration. To make sure that my disembowelment of the turd was truly comprehensive, I also ordered the original Rules, as well as The Rules II. My copy of the original Rules is out for delivery right now!!!!! I can’t wait!

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1492915.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

Scanner time part II

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I have two major purposes in mind for a scanner:

  1. Scanning individual photos and small, single-sided things.
  2. Scanning a bunch of my diaries.

My necessary tools are a) a flatbed sheet-fed duplex color scanner, b) Adobe Photoshop Elements and c) Adobe Acrobat.

Here is a scanner that could perform my required functions: Xerox DocuMate 3220. Not that expensive….

EDIT: Epson WorkForce GT-1500 is cheaper.

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1492550.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

Scanner time

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I have plans to digitize selected scrapbooks, photos, writing and other ephemera from my youth in an effort to get rid of the heavy paper versions. I therefore brought stuff to work, thinking to use the scanner integrated in the super duper printer/copier/fax/egg timer/dishwasher at the office.

Today I discovered that the scanner maxes out at 300 dpi. This resolution is acceptable for text documents, but it will not serve for photos or artwork. So either I’m going to buy my own flatbed scanner or borrow my parents’, which they purchased for their own memorabilia digitization project  several years ago.

…Unless the egg timer over here has some secret high-quality scanner settings I’m unaware of.

This entry was originally posted at http://modernwizard.dreamwidth.org/1492330.html. You can comment here, but I’d prefer it if you’d comment on my DW using OpenID.

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